Time to change again

I've been thinking today, and I've been thinking a lot.  In Beauty and the Beast, thinking is referred to as "a dangerous pastime," which I'm sure has other literary roots that I'm too lazy to look up.  I was able to talk to a friend about it (because it's weighing on my mind, though I honestly hate talking to people about it because I don't want to dump on them) and she said that she was surprised that I'm having trouble making friends.  It made me wonder if I really don't have trouble making friends, but that I'm not letting myself make friends.  Like my belief that I don't know how to make friends is hindering my ability to make friends.

This goes along with everything I wrote about a month ago.  If I'm holding the belief, then so it must be.  Therefore I should put myself in a position to feel like I have friends, even if that means getting out of my comfort zone.  I am uncomfortable just going up to people because I've had poor luck in the past.  I think that if I put myself in the position to make close friends, then I will make close friends.  If I just watch carefully what I say, I might have some success.

A positive thought is more powerful than a negative thought.  If I think and feel negative things, then negative things will happen.  Now if only I can keep the right thought in my head...

I suppose it's kind of like always remembering Christ.  It's hard to keep a sustained thought.  But recognizing times when your thoughts are going off the path will allow you to redirect them.  So whether you need to hum your favorite hymn or just force out the bad thought,  redirecting a negative thought into a positive thought will serve you better.

It's like I remember to do well for weeks, and then I just go off the positive thought train and feel bad for weeks at a time.

I do still think that I lack certain friend-making skills, probably perpetuated by my low self-monitor.  Perhaps I need to research that.  People do like me, I just think that they don't see me as a friend or as a close friend.  I want close friends.  I think I know of some people that I could just go over and visit.  If I can get my visibility in the ward up, I might be able to make some close friends.

Time to change my life again.