Friends and sitting alone

I honestly feel like I don't have friends.  I see people getting together all the time, people talking to each other, but it's like I'm left out.  I don't get it.  What is wrong with me?  I try to be nice, I try to be friendly, I try talking to people, but it's like there's a sign on me that says "don't be this guy's friend."  Is there a big "L" tattooed on my forehead that I can't see?

I should change wards or something.  People don't invite me to things, and people don't come to things that I host.  My apartment is such a sty right now that no one would want to come over anyway.  Such is the price of getting an advanced education and living in a poorly-lit apartment.

It's like for two weeks I feel like I have friends, and then for however long after that, I have none.  I don't get it.  So what should I do about it?  Complain?  I really don't know.  Complaining on my blog is really all I have.

I mean, I know I have some friends.  I have friends in Russia, Tanzania, Thailand, possibly Japan (if she's not in Idaho anymore), Idaho, Colorado, and possibly in Utah...I just can't tell.  I just wish I had the kind of friends that would text me and invite me when they're going to a football game or to dinner or something.

Maybe I'm just unpopular.  It's fine to be unpopular, I'm not too worried about it.  But to be friendless...that's serious.  And if I were trying to date someone, that might be a huge red flag.  It's not like I abuse my friends or something like that.  I feel like I'm a very good friend.  For example, when I made friends with J McG, I invited him to go to Sam's Club with me, and when I made friends with Stert (not his real name), I would go over and say hi when he was home.  We even did a double date together (and our respective dates)!  So I am a good friend when I have friends, but I just don't understand why I can't seem to make any close friends around here.  I've cooked for people, I've gone over and visited people, I've helped people move, I've gone singing to the elderly...and it still feels like people either don't like me or generally think of me as not being a friend.

I want friends and I want relationships.  It really is fine if someone doesn't want to be my friend.  But to be in a ward with about 150 students and feel like I don't have close friends?  That seems abnormal.

I really don't know what to do.  I feel like the next step is to just stop going to ward activities.  I mean, if I don't have any friends, what's the point?  Last Monday, for example, I was sitting on a long bench at Family Home Evening.  I sat at the very end so there would be room for people to sit on the rest of the bench.  We were gathered around a fire, listening to a speaker, and no one sat next to me for a long time (about thirty minutes), even though people were standing all around.  There were some girls huddled at the other end of the bench, but there were two seats next to me.  It was heartbreaking.  Finally a sister I home teach sat near me.  The girls at the other end of the bench had said "there are seats right here for anyone" and I turned to them and said "it's because they don't want to sit next to me."  It felt like truth.  Sorry.  I honestly feel like I'm a good person who is deserving of friendship, but I don't have the friendships that I want.  I don't get it.  It's not like I'm going to ask you to marry me if we sit next to each other or something.