Dude, just go for it

I have some friends who are just too afraid to go for it.  Or something like that.  My friend Bif is a great example (again, that's not his real name to protect his privacy).  Bif has this nasty habit of meeting and befriending women, spending a lot of time with them doing date-like activities, seeing them nearly every day, and never once does he use the word "date" with them.  He'll say it to me, but he won't say it to them.  I think they know that he's interested in them, but they get off on the technicality of their activities not being dates.  If it's not a date, then they don't have to reject him, right?

Holy cow.  Maybe he knows that.

Anyway, after spending all of this time and money with these women, he says the same thing to me.  "I'm going to make a move."  And I always reply "okay, what's your move?"  And he responds "I'm going to ask her on a date."

"That's not a move, Bif."

"How is that not a move?"

"Because for it to be a move, you have to move!"

So he asks them on a date, and then the jig is up.  They either say no, or they go on a date with him (typically to get a free meal or something, because they already know going into this date whether they like him) and then reject him.  So what's his problem?  Well, many things, but mainly that he doesn't go for it.

He was constantly asking me why it was that I had more girlfriends than him.  His reasoning was that I hadn't gone on a mission and was therefore not as good as him, so he should be getting the women and I should be left alone like him.  I recall one evening where he said that he was better than me because he had served a mission.  Looking back, I must have had the patience of a monk not to freak out on him.  But the difference between him and I was not that I hadn't served a mission and he had; it was that I went for it and he didn't.

I kissed my last two girlfriends by the end of our second dates.  How did I do it?  Well, I went for it.  I even prefaced one of the kisses with "A______, I'm having a hard time controlling myself.  I really want to kiss you."  Yeah, I know.  But she was receptive and we kissed.  It was the first of many kisses with her.  Bif could be in the same position if he would just go for it.  But first he needs to ask her on a date.  None of this "let's spend time together until the steam runs out and then I'll ask you on a date."  Just straight-up ask her on a date.  If she is actively texting you afterward, it probably means she likes you.  The second "date" is up to you.  Either make it a formal date (something I haven't done with success), or just get together.  If she's interested in you, you'll be drawn together.  And it is her responsibility to show interest in you.  If she's not showing interest, then she must not like you.  That's how it goes.

So, Bif, and the two other friends I'm thinking of.  Just go for it.  Hold her hand.  Hold that hug just a second or two longer than normal (just a second or two).  If she's receptive, you can progress.  If she's not, you'll likely talk about it briefly, and then part ways.  She shows interest in you, you ask her out, she continues to show interest, you make a move, and love blossoms.  If you're not asking her out quickly enough and/or you are not making a move quickly enough, then you risk losing her.  She'll quickly lose interest.  She'll be confused about whether you like her.  If you give it a try by holding her hand or something, then you'll be able to see very quickly if there's something there.  It comes with tons and tons of rejection (I can't count the number of times I've been rejected, but it is WAY more times than I've had success), but you get a relationship eventually.

Hm.  How many times have I been rejected in relation to my successes?  Rejection = Success⁹. That sounds about right.

Alright.  I did the math.  It's closer to R = S⁶. Still, you'll get a lot of rejection.  But if you just go for it, you'll experience faster lows and greater highs.  The faster you can tell that a woman isn't interested in you, the faster you can move on to the next one.  Minimize wasted time, maximize love.