About eleven months ago I found myself in a predicament. Two great women wanted to date me. I had met the one online and then other in person. I wasn't particularly attracted to either of them when I met them, but I soon found myself interested in both women. The one lived about four hours away from me, and then other lived about five minutes from me. By proximity alone, my choice was clear. But it wasn't that simple.
I liked the personality of the one that lived far away. She was nice, had a good sense of humor, and she accepted me for who I was then (I am different now, after all). However, she lived far away, her roommates sure didn't seem to like me, and even after I would tell her that I needed some quiet time to study, she would text me like mad. We spent a very stressful day together, and I was at a difficult time in my life, and so I had to end it.
The one that lived close by grew on me very quickly. There wasn't really a growth period. I just liked her after our first date and couldn't get her out of my head. However, she was 19 years old when we met and I was 24. She turned 20 shortly thereafter and I turned 25 several weeks later. The age difference kind of threw me at first, but I got over it. But what really scared me is that at the age of 25, I felt ready to get married. I was tired of waiting. I'm more patient now, but it is still a high priority. I knew that her, being 20, probably wasn't ready to get married. My mom got married around the age of 20. My sister got married at 17 (not that I think that's a good idea at all)! But this one is not like my mom or my sister. To make matters worse, I was her first boyfriend. I knew that no matter how much I would come to love her, she would not want to marry her first boyfriend.
I came to love her very much. Several months into the relationship, despite the very few flaws that I could see, I knew that I wanted to marry her. She is gorgeous. She loves God and she loves church. She is so smart. We'd have playful arguments over who was smarter. I contended that she was smarter, she said that I was smarter. I still think I'm right. She's funny. She made me laugh so much!
Some cracks in the relationship began to appear when she began to say things and act as though my mission was not good enough for her. She knew that I suffered from anxiety in the past and was absolutely paranoid that it would keep me from doing things with her in the future. Her parents thought that they would never get to see her again if she married me because I had anxiety. It baffles me how otherwise intelligent people could be so incredibly ignorant of a mild mental illness that I hardly feel the effects of anymore. I'd like to say that it's completely gone, but you can never be sure of that. God really blessed me after my mission and one of those blessings was relieving my anxiety. Life is just...easier. And it's all thanks to Him.
After six months (she says five, I say six), she stopped responding to my texts. She wouldn't pick up the phone when I called. I cried every single day for three weeks, even on the rare day she would talk to me. At the end of those three weeks, she dumped me. It was a very sweet breakup. I've never had a breakup where I'm holding her hand and we kiss a few times because we're still very much in love. But, much like she predicted, it was harder on me than it was on her.
I'm moving on now. It has been long enough. But the predicament of being involved with two women at the same time is still a tough situation for a man like me to face. I mean, I only want one woman in my life (and it's all I can handle) More than one woman being interested in me at a time just causes confusion and slows down the dating process. I hate having to hurt one just to have a relationship. It would be easier if you could just pause the feelings with one and date the other, only to resume the first relationship later if things didn't work out.
In my book, no woman I could date would be a "silver medal." When I'm in love, I'm in love. If, somehow, a relationship didn't work out with one and I was able to date the other, she wouldn't be lesser to me. I know that she would probably feel that way, but in my heart she wouldn't be. I know that I would feel secondary to another man if I were in the same situation as these women. I don't know why love needs to be so complicated.
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