Rejection, and why it doesn't hurt tonight

I have a lot of love to give.  As any reader of this blog (all four of you) knows, I want love in my life.  I just do.

It is rare that I am formally rejected by a woman.  I am frequently rejected by women, but it takes a very special woman to be open and honest about it.  It shows true character.  It shows that she loves people, including the one that she isn't interested in dating.  Why more women can't be as incredibly mature as she is I will never know.  But this one is special, and whoever gets to marry her will certainly be a blessed man.

She wants to like me, the same way I want to love her.  I already like her.  I wish there was that connection. There's not, and that's okay.  Months ago this would have been a heart-wrenching experience for me.  I would be depressed, crying, and lamenting how I completely screwed up.  But I'm not.  I'm a good man. She actually helped me see this tonight.  Here are five things she said about me.

1. She loves how honest I am.
2. She loves my personality and says that I'm fun to be around.
• Regarding this, she said that our first date was the best date she's ever been on.  Or did she say it was the most fun?  It was both?  Regardless, it was the best of something.  She genuinely wanted something to happen with us.  But it didn't .  She has her reasons, and I understand.  She is a special woman.
3. She loves how motivated I am.
4. She loves that I center my life around Christ.  She loves that I'm willing to put Him first and that I desire to serve Him.
5. She loves that I'm not scared to show who I am.  She loves that I can make myself vulnerable.

What an amazing woman.

She sees a lot of good in me.  I didn't think that anyone saw that kind of good in me.  I always felt like my goodness was a secret that only I knew (and even doubted at times).  How did I become so privileged to meet such a woman as her?  And that she is actually a friend now?

During this whole long talk (and it was very long), I never once felt like she wasn't being genuine.  She wasn't "letting me down gently."  She was being honest.  She wanted something to happen, but it wasn't there.  I know why it wasn't there.  That's fine.  I do sincerely regret that she is not my girlfriend tonight, but I do not lament.  I do not pine.  I am as fine today as I was before we even went on our first date.  I feel fine.

I wish that every rejection could be as good as this one.  I have not gone away feeling badly about myself.  I have come away feeling good about myself.  There is a twist of disappointment, but it's hardly present.  My next love is just around the corner.  And to be honest, it wasn't necessarily that she was "rejecting" me.  It was more of a "this is why things aren't happening yet" discussion.  If that yet is a never; big deal.  I made a true friend tonight and I caught a glimpse of a beautiful soul.  This experience has helped me to see what I want in a woman.  I want to marry a woman who is as deep and as thoughtful as this one is.  I used to think that they were more scarce than crude oil in the year 2099, but I don't think that's the case.  I can find a woman like this again.  It is unique for her to be such a good woman, and these women are hard to come by, but I'm understanding that a depth of soul like hers is not so rare that I will never see it again.  This woman is certainly one-of-a-kind, never to be duplicated or imitated, but good women like her exist.  I can't wait to meet the next one.

The week is finally over

Hell week is finally over and I am very happy.  However, people keep saying "now the real work begins."  If this wasn't real work, then I don't agree with people's definitions of "work."  I don't think it's going to be that bad.  This program is designed for people to be able to accomplish it.  I think it's ridiculous that people are trying to intimidate us as students.  Shouldn't this be a supportive program?  I don't get it.

Speaking of things that bug me, I'm really getting sick of the term "in the real world..."  I LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD.  Have you ever considered that this "real world" that everyone speaks of doesn't exist?  Or perhaps that this "real world" that everyone keeps talking about is not the "real world" at all?  Maybe it's the opposite!

I've been hearing about this "real world" garbage since high school, and guess what?  It's a lie.  I worked in the real world between my bachelor and my master's degree.  It wasn't at all like the "real world" that people describe.  I suppose if I were some kind of idiot, I'd refer to something outside of my life as the "real world."  But this world is as real as anything else on this planet.  Things like ridiculous etiquette rules when eating really don't apply to life.  Anyone who would deny you a job or would be offended if you used your salad fork for your entree is a real jackass.  I'm tired of arrogance.  This is why I got out of business in the first place.

I suppose I should just be happy that my path isn't exactly just in business.  I plan to work hard and get somewhere, but I don't intend to be a CEO.  I don't intend to be in the board room.  I don't want those things.  I want to make a good living, live in a nice house, and be able to provide for my wife and family.

So how about we all just pull our heads out of our butts and live in the real world already?  Place your silverware wherever you like during a meal.  Just don't be obnoxious and let that be acceptable.  Drink from the wrong glass.  Forget to place your napkin on your lap.  Wear a tie with a short-sleeved shirt.  Life is too short to give a crap about any of these things.  Get over yourself and live in the real world since it's what you tout anyway.

I think I have a bad attitude

This week shouldn't be called "orientation week," it should be called "hell week."  The days are long, the activities are transparent in their purpose, and the classes are held at times when we're all tired, worn out, and can no longer pay attention.  I'd really like to just get going on school work.

I wore the wrong clothing today to the lunch.  They said "business casual," so I wore a short-sleeved button-up shirt with slacks.  I guess I was under-dressed.  I'm just so tired of doing this week so far that I can't even fake a smile on my face.

I'm reminded why I stopped studying business in the first place: it's the people.  Of course, I dislike psychology people too after having gone through a semester of a psychology grad school.  I just find that a lot of people in my program are overbearing, arrogant, or just plain irritating.

While the above feelings still hold true, my mood is much better now than it was when I originally wrote the text above (about three hours ago).

I'm happier now because I called a cute girl, relaxed for an hour or so, and talked to a friend.  I met with some local professionals tonight and some of them were just fantastic.  One man in particular was my favorite and I'm eager to be in contact with him.  I actually made some good contacts tonight!  And after hearing some of the professionals speak, my anxiety has been reduced.

I consider any reduction in my anxiety to be done by God and only by Him.  This week has really been a rollercoaster for my emotions.  I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm down....  I want to end this week up.  I want to end this YEAR up.

My time on a trail

I don't mean to sound horribly judgmental, but I sat behind a total douche today.  I was on a bus going into the canyon for a service project required by my grad program.  Required service baffles me, but whatever.  The guy I sat behind is a return missionary,  must be at least 23 years old, and acts and talks like he's 19 or younger.  I can't believe how he talked about women and made an off-color reference to male genitalia and the name of farm fowl.  He's not married, and I can see why.  I still question why I'm not married though.

During this service project, my professor offered us an opportunity to take a walk around the lake.  The lake area was beautiful.  No one else in my service group wanted to go with me (and thankfully McDouche didn't want to go), so I went by myself.  There wasn't much for me to do, anyway.

I'm so grateful for the silence and peace that was afforded to me as I walked.  You could only hear slight rustling from the breeze and the occasional  rustling of foliage from the movement of field mice and what appeared to be small squirrels.  It was so peaceful that I decided to stop and sit on a rock to pray.  As I prayed, I remember the breeze picking up.  When I stopped praying, I don't remember there being a breeze anymore.  I wonder if God was demonstrating to me that He was listening?  I prayed for comfort, I think.  I also asked Him why I haven't been able to find someone to date and eventually marry me.  I finished my prayer and continued my walk.  As I walked, I tried to keep my mind clear and just focus on the silence and serenity of being alone while walking around a lake.  I did this so I could hear when God gave me an answer.  I'm unsure if I received a direct answer from Him, but I was reminded that I think that my next girlfriend and my potential wife is right around the corner.  I'm going to meet her soon.  I've met many people lately, and maybe she is one of them.  I don't know.  But I do know who I'm interested in.  I don't think of any of the women I date as a potential wife just yet.  I just want to know if I like them and I hope that they like me!  The wife thing can wait...I mean it's not like I can just meet someone and decide "okay, she's my wife."  That's strange, irrational, and unhealthy.

Here are some pictures of the gorgeous nature that I saw.

This shot is particularly great.  This photo is property of me, please do not use without permission.

Beautiful, isn't it?  I can't believe I've been missing this all my life.

Product Review: Pizzazz Pizza Oven by Presto

When I first saw the Pizzazz Pizza Oven, I thought it was kind of stupid.  I thought it was just another weirdo kitchen appliance that would be fun for a while, but would soon find its way to the donation bin at the local thrift store.  How wrong I was!  Little did I know when I finally came into owning one of these that it would become the centerpiece of my weekly cooking.

The product is designed to be space-saving in order to take up as little real estate as possible on your counter or in the cupboard.  The unit consists of a somewhat triangular cooking element with a large, round pizza pan.  The round pan rotates both above and below heating elements in order to evenly cook the pizza.  The top heating element heats at 350F and the bottom one heats at 400F.  There is a control to set both elements, or just the top or the bottom individually.  This way you can heat your toppings for longer (handy if you really pile on the toppings), or you can get your crust crispier.

When cooking, two things are crucial.  The first is that you MUST set the built-in timer otherwise the oven will not heat up.  The timer controls whether the oven is on or off, so you have to set it regardless of whether you want to use it.  This also controls the cooking so that you don't forget about your food.  It's really a good thing in the end.

The other crucial thing is that you need to set which elements you want to heat.  I rarely change this setting (and I'll tell you why later) because I've seen the consequences.  Unless you need one part of your pizza cooked more than the other, make sure the oven is always set to the "both" setting.

This product is fantastic.  I don't just cook pizza on it, I also cook frozen chicken strips and frozen fries on it.  One particularly creative thing I started doing is making toasted sandwiches using this oven.  You just butter your bread a little bit, pile on the cheese, meat, vegetables, or whatever you like and cook it open-faced.  Once the inside is hot, you can close the sandwich and let it toast for a while longer.  This pizza oven makes THE BEST grilled cheese sandwiches.

One mistake I've made a few times is forgetting to set the oven to heat with both elements.  Sometimes I've put chicken on the oven and cooked it for 25 minutes, only to find it cold, soggy, and raw on the inside.  I don't have to tell you not to eat raw chicken.  There are other cooking tips that I have for you when using this pizza oven.

If you're counting on cooking a large Papa Murphy's pizza on this, it won't fit.  Sorry.  But you can probably do a smaller pizza or some cheese bread.  When you go to cook a fresh pizza that you're making yourself, it's best to pre-bake the dough a little bit.  It will make it so your pizza finishes all at the same time.  Just place the crust on the pan and let it cook for about eight minutes or so, then pile on the toppings and let the pizza bake the rest of the way.

Like I said, I love this product.  It's easily worth the $50 or so that it costs.  You can bake just about anything on it and it's easy to use.  Baking a frozen pizza on it turns a so-so pizza into a great pizza!  I don't know what it is, specifically, that makes the pizza better, but I think it's that everything is heated to the correct temperature.  The crust comes out crispy and the toppings come out all melted and baked to perfection.

You can find this in some grocery stores, stores that sell kitchen appliances, or online.  Check it out if you want to make baking frozen (or fresh) pizza or other foods in the summer a more tolerable experience.  If you have some kids and you don't want them to use the oven, this is a good option.  It turns the heat elements off by itself, so you don't have to worry about the kids heating the whole house or running up the gas bill.

Like pretty well all product photos on this blog, this image does not belong to me.

A hard day so far

I know that God loves me.  And I know that through Him, I will achieve the things that I need to achieve.  I do not question His existence because I know that He's there.

I am happy.  I am happy because so many good things have happened to me lately.   I don't want a hard day to stop me now.

Today I spent nine hours in orientation for my graduate program.  Tomorrow I will spend nine or more hours doing the same thing.  And then I'll spend more than nine hours each day for the rest of the week.  It was hard to sit through.

Since yesterday, I've been experiencing anxiety regarding my grad program.  I'm concerned that I won't be able to keep up.  I worry that I won't be able to do it.  But I'm supposed to be able to achieve the level of education that I desire.  If this is the case, then I have no need to fear.  So why do I fear?

These problems feel like they come in twos, which is accurate because I'm feeling stress about relationships.  Like things will be going fine and then you just do something to mess it up.  I think I'm thinking too much.  I'm reading way too much into things.

Tonight is a welcome night at school.  It started fifteen minutes ago.  I have homework.  I don't know what to do.  I want to go and meet new people, but I need to do my work.  I also need dinner.  Why does life have to present problems sometimes?  I know that people say that my problems are nothing compared to the problems of people in the slums of India or something, but that's an ignorant and insensitive thing to say.  I have my problems, they have theirs.  It still doesn't change the fact that they are problems.   I crave love, support, and intimacy; they might crave food, shelter, and security.  I'm grateful for the food, shelter, and security that I enjoy, and I'm sure they are too.  But when you have your basic needs covered, you have other problems that crop up.  These are mine.  I want love, intimacy, and support in my life.

Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana soup

Do you like The Olive Garden?  It's about the fanciest joint I go to.  You know, because I'm super high class and stuff.  When I go, I like to wear cut-off denim shorts and a mesh tank top because I want to look as classy as I feel.

Really though, I like to go to the Olive Garden and eat their delicious Zuppa Toscana soup.  So when I came across a recipe online for the soup in question, I sprang on it.  You can find the actual recipe here at Tuscan Recipes, but below you'll read my instructions for making it a little better and in the Crock-pot.

The ingredients are:

1lb. ground Italian sausage (or regular sausage if you don't want too much of a kick)

1.5 tsp of crushed red pepper

Onion powder

Bacon bits

2 tsp of garlic puree (or some garlic powder - both are good options)

10 cups of water

5 chicken bullion cubes (you can find this in the Mexican food section if you're having trouble finding it)

1 cup of heavy whipping cream (kept near the milk)

1 or so lb of potatoes (see instructions for how to prepare them)

Kale (as much as you'd like, but at least 1/4 of a bunch...however much that is)

1. Brown the sausage in a frying pan and get it cooked at least most of the way through (I prefer to have it all the way cooked).

2. Put ten cups of water into a six-quart Crock-Pot (you can probably go as low as four-quart) along with the five bullion cubes.  You can stir it all around as it heats, but due to the property of diffusion, it will slowly mix on its own during the cooking process.  I still recommend giving it a stir.

3. Take all the potatoes that you plan on adding and wash and peel them.  Rinse them again after peeling, and then take out your cutting board and a large, sharp knife.   Here you have a choice: you can thinly slice the potatoes into circles, or you can cut the potatoes in half before slicing the potatoes into semicircles.  Alternatively, you can dice the potatoes.  You just don't want round slices to be too thick.  This soup values thin slicing.

4.  Add the potatoes, the cream, and all of the ingredients except for the kale.  Stir it all together, then heat on low for about six hours.  You can kind of wing it on this step.  This is the beauty of a slow-cooker.  You can just kind of wing it most of the time!

5.  About an hour before you're ready to serve the soup, wash and cut the kale and then add it to the soup.  Again, you can kind of wing it here.  I can't recall whether I added the kale late the last time I made this soup, but what I do know is that it worked.

If you're going to make this soup for just one person, you need to halve the recipe.  You'll be eating it for a week that way.  I recommend that you make this soup and serve it to your family, roommates, or neighbors.  It makes a TON, so if you live around a bunch of people you like, share the wealth.

Because I encourage single men to pay attention to my blog and its recipes, I recommend getting some roommates or friends together and then invite some women over to eat this soup with you.   If you make some breadsticks (which I may just post a roll recipe soon) and serve them on the side, you'll have kind of a half meal.  You could serve this soup with grilled cheese, salad, or something else that women like.  Believe it or not, women LOVE grilled cheese sandwiches, given they're not lactose intolerant.

By the way, if you don't own a Crock-pot yet, go buy one!  You can find them at thrift stores for cheap, or at a place like Sam's Club for as little as $35 for a super nice one!  Here's a picture of the Crock-pot I own.

I loves me some Amazon Prime

I need to write a piece on how much I love Amazon Prime.  I promise, I'm not being compensated for what I say (especially because part of it will be slightly negative).

A couple of years ago, one of my roommates told me about Amazon Student.  He told me that it was essentially Amazon Prime service, but free for students for one year.  Because I order stuff from Amazon somewhat frequently, I thought that free 2-day shipping for a year would be AWESOME!  So I signed up for my free trial, and I liked it so much that I continued using the service for half-price (because I am a student).

Amazon Student now only has a six-month free trial, but six is better than none.  It entitles you to free 2-day shipping on nearly everything Amazon sells, as well as some things that other people sell that is "fulfilled by Amazon."  After the six-month trial, you have the option to continue receiving free 2-day shipping for $39 per year, which is a savings of $40!  In addition to the 2-day shipping benefits, you also get unlimited Amazon Prime video streaming.

Amazon Prime has a lot of television shows and movies that you are able to stream to Kindle Fire, smart Blu-ray players, smart TVs, Roku, iPad, iPod, iPhone, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii, and Wii U.   This means that you can stream movies just about anywhere, and if you're at home, you can watch on the big screen.  Some months they get bonus movies for you to watch that are not normally in the Prime collection. For example, this month has a bunch of James Bond movies available to stream for free!

I love the television and movie selection of Amazon Prime, but it doesn't have everything that your Hulu Plus or Netflix subscription has.  Additional shows can be rented or purchased, but those options aren't exactly free.  I sometimes feel like the selection is lacking, but I can usually find something good to watch.  I just honestly wish it had a more robust selection.

Something else I dislike about Amazon Prime Instant Video is that you cannot watch on any Android devices other than Kindle Fire and Kindle Fire HD.  If you own one of those devices, great!  But you still can't watch on your Android phone.
Also, browsing shows and movies on an Xbox 360 really only gives you part of the story.  You cannot search very well because it lacks a decent method of text input.  Browsing for shows and movies on the Amazon website is a little better, but it's missing some filter features that would really help.  I would like to be able to filter my browsing by MPAA rating (so I can search for all PG-13 action movies or something like that).  I would also be able to be able to see more genres and sub-genres when browsing.  I'd like to be able to ignore children's television shows and movies while browsing as well.

While it's not perfect, I'm still a big fan of Amazon Prime.  I order lots of stuff from Amazon now.  For instance, I had a date last night and I needed a table cloth.  I had realized this on Tuesday, so I ordered a tablecloth for under $9 and had it shipped to my door just in time for the date.  How about that?  I also get my text books, pens, videogames, movies, books, car parts, and just about anything else I desire in two days.

If you're hesitant about Amazon Prime, try the six-month free trial!  You can't go wrong - IT'S FREE.

Product Review: Pilgrim's Chicken Tenders

I have a deep love for deep-fried foods.  I have a regular love for regular fried foods.  I have a steamy passion for steamed foods.  And I feel all bubbly around soda.

Enough jokes for now, on to the review!

I love fast food, especially chicken tenders.  I remember going to Arctic Circle and eating chicken fingers and fries.  Before long, however, I realized that their prices were far too high and I just didn't think that it was worth paying $5 for three chicken tenders and a few fries.  That's when I discovered Pilgrim's Chicken Breast Strips in a 5 lb. box at Sam's Club.

These are very much restaurant-quality chicken strips.  Whether you fry them or you bake them, you'll get that authentic restaurant taste.  The breading is crispy and just the right thickness.  The all-white meat strips stay moist and tender even after baking.   Because they are frozen raw, you cannot microwave these strips safely (and you wouldn't want to anyway).

The portion sizes are generous, though you'll get strips that run the gamut between very large and bite-sized.  Two strips would be enough for an adult or a child, but I typically eat three or four strips.  If you serve these strips with fries, green beans, broccoli fries, or a green salad, you'll have a filling and delicious meal.  In fact, I highly recommend you try cutting these up and putting them on a delicious spinach salad with a thousand island dressing or ranch dressing.

I know that my reviews are a little on the sparse side as far as content goes, but it's really not the main draw of my blog.  I just want to spread the word about good products.  This is one of them.  Check out the link above for details about the chicken strips, and then go to Sam's Club, Wal-mart, or wherever else these are sold and pick some up for dinner tonight.  You really won't be disappointed.

Last year

About eleven months ago I found myself in a predicament.  Two great women wanted to date me.  I had met the one online and then other in person.  I wasn't particularly attracted to either of them when I met them, but I soon found myself interested in both women.  The one lived about four hours away from me, and then other lived about five minutes from me.  By proximity alone, my choice was clear.  But it wasn't that simple.

I liked the personality of the one that lived far away.  She was nice, had a good sense of humor, and she accepted me for who I was then (I am different now, after all).  However, she lived far away, her roommates sure didn't seem to like me, and even after I would tell her that I needed some quiet time to study, she would text me like mad.  We spent a very stressful day together, and I was at a difficult time in my life, and so I had to end it.

The one that lived close by grew on me very quickly.  There wasn't really a growth period.  I just liked her after our first date and couldn't get her out of my head.  However, she was 19 years old when we met and I was 24.  She turned 20 shortly thereafter and I turned 25 several weeks later.  The age difference kind of threw me at first, but I got over it.  But what really scared me is that at the age of 25, I felt ready to get married.  I was tired of waiting.  I'm more patient now, but it is still a high priority.  I knew that her, being 20, probably wasn't ready to get married.  My mom got married around the age of 20.  My sister got married at 17 (not that I think that's a good idea at all)!  But this one is not like my mom or my sister.  To make matters worse, I was her first boyfriend.  I knew that no matter how much I would come to love her, she would not want to marry her first boyfriend.

I came to love her very much.  Several months into the relationship, despite the very few flaws that I could see, I knew that I wanted to marry her.  She is gorgeous.  She loves God and she loves church.  She is so smart.  We'd have playful arguments over who was smarter.  I contended that she was smarter, she said that I was smarter.  I still think I'm right.  She's funny.  She made me laugh so much!

Some cracks in the relationship began to appear when she began to say things and act as though my mission was not good enough for her.  She knew that I suffered from anxiety in the past and was absolutely paranoid that it would keep me from doing things with her in the future.  Her parents thought that they would never get to see her again if she married me because I had anxiety.  It baffles me how otherwise intelligent people could be so incredibly ignorant of a mild mental illness that I hardly feel the effects of anymore.  I'd like to say that it's completely gone, but you can never be sure of that.  God really blessed me after my mission and one of those blessings was relieving my anxiety.  Life is just...easier.  And it's all thanks to Him.

After six months (she says five, I say six), she stopped responding to my texts.  She wouldn't pick up the phone when I called.  I cried every single day for three weeks, even on the rare day she would talk to me.  At the end of those three weeks, she dumped me.  It was a very sweet breakup.  I've never had a breakup where I'm holding her hand and we kiss a few times because we're still very much in love.  But, much like she predicted, it was harder on me than it was on her.

I'm moving on now.  It has been long enough.   But the predicament of being involved with two women at the same time is still a tough situation for a man like me to face.  I mean, I only want one woman in my life (and it's all I can handle)  More than one woman being interested in me at a time just causes confusion and slows down the dating process.  I hate having to hurt one just to have a relationship.  It would be easier if you could just pause the feelings with one and date the other, only to resume the first relationship later if things didn't work out.

In my book, no woman I could date would be a "silver medal."  When I'm in love, I'm in love.  If, somehow, a relationship didn't work out with one and I was able to date the other, she wouldn't be lesser to me.  I know that she would probably feel that way, but in my heart she wouldn't be.  I know that I would feel secondary to another man if I were in the same situation as these women.  I don't know why love needs to be so complicated.