Imperfection, the human condition, and acting as though

I am an imperfect man, but I have a perfect spirit.  Imperfection is an unfortunate part of the human condition!  However, without mortality and the imperfection that comes with it, we would be unable to learn and grow.  I think that sometimes people miss the point of mortality.  Of course we are saved by grace, but what have we done for that grace?  How have we shown our faith?  What is our attitude toward service, honestly, and charity?

Suddenly, I'm off the reason why I began to post this evening.  The reason for this post is to admit my fault (though my journal will get the details) and to state that I have not been acting as though I am receiving what I've asked for. I know I need to do this.  I'm going to place a reminder on my mirror because I truly need to "act as though."

So!  Gameplan!  I'm going to act as though I am already living the life that I want.  I'm only a hop, skip, and a jump away from it anyway!  With blessings and love from the Lord, I will be able to attain perfection through His grace.

Couscous with chicken

This isn't really a recipe; it's more of a meal idea.  My recent ex-girlfriend turned me on to Near East brand Couscous (she turned me on in a lot of other ways too).  You can find a 12-pack of my favorite variety, garlic and olive oil, on Amazon here.  You can also pick this up at Wal-mart for about $2/box.

It's really simple to make.  You just boil 1.25 cups of water and two tablespoons of oil with the spice packet.  I use canola oil even though you should use olive oil.  Once it comes to a boil, stir in the couscous and remove from the heat source.  Cover and let stand for five minutes, and then fluff with a fork.

Here's what I do to make it a meal.  I take a can of chicken that I usually get from Costco, drain the water, cut up the chunks a little, and then stir it in with the couscous.  This is really a good, quick meal for singles and it only costs about $4 in total.  You can have this once for dinner and then again for tomorrow's lunch.  Two meals for $2 apiece.  That's a deal.

Had a date this morning

Several days ago I went to a dance and I came home with two phone numbers.  The first phone number was from a beautiful woman that I was completely captivated by.  The other was from a woman that I didn't think was very pretty at all, but she seemed to be interested in spending time with me, so I asked for her phone number too.  Days later, I had sent text messages to each of them, but only one responded.  The one that responded was the one that I didn't find as attractive, but she was still friendly on the phone and via text, so I asked her on a date.

She suggested that we go on a hike, but I'm a bit of a wimpy hiker, so we went for a nature walk instead.  It was cool.  We walked close to four miles round trip and got a lot of talking in.  She is a really sweet girl.    After the walk, we went to Burger King for an ice cream cone and continued talking. By the end of the date, we really got to know each other better.  I took her back to her apartment and walked her to the door.  We hugged and that was about it.

I'm not interested in her as a dating partner and I don't think she's interested in me as a dating partner, but I think we both felt like we want to be friends.  I think I'm going to see if I can get together with her and some of her friends soon.  If they're as cool as she is, soon I should have some really good friends!

This is a successful date for me.  It used to be that I thought a successful date ended in a kiss or with a girlfriend, but that's not the only way a successful date can end.  A successful date ends with two people on the same page who are happy that they were able to spend time together.  This date was a total success and I'm very happy that I went.

Lunch with my sister

My sister came into town today for a wedding.  She called me and asked if I could show her to the bookstore on campus so she could buy her husband a frame for his diploma.  I was excited!  It's nice to be able to have a relative come into town and see me, if only for an hour or so.

So she and I went to campus and bought the frame at the bookstore, and then she asked if there was anything good to eat on campus and if I'd like to eat with her.  I eagerly accepted the offer and we ate at Taco Time.  I got a crisp bean burrito, a taco, some "Mexi-Fries," and a beverage.  She got a crisp bean burrito.  It occurred to me far too late that we could have just gone in together on the 4 for $5 deal - d'oh!

We talked and naturally dating came up, mostly because of me.  Let's face it, dating is on my mind a lot.  I told her that I had a goal and she suggested something else.  I think that the goal she proposed is a much, much better goal.  She said that I should set a goal to just meet new people every week or month or so.  I think she has a great idea!  I want to meet two new people every week, and I want one of them to be a woman.  So there it is!  My new goal!  I'm going to visualize this happening, I'm going to look for opportunities to meet new people (specifically women), and I'm going to meet them.  Even if I have to bake cookies and take them to an apartment of girls in my ward, I'll do it.

Tonight I have the opportunity to join a choir and get shakes at Sonic.  I think that will provide ample opportunity to meet some new people.   I'm going to try and meet one or two at choir, and one at Sonic.

This is very exciting, isn't it?  I have the chance to meet new people.  And as I meet new people, I'll be able to expand my dating pool.  Good things are happening.  I am going to continue to act as though God has given me what I have asked for and I will continue to believe that he'll bless me with the things that I desire.

Getting what I want

I re-started this blog with a new look and a new outlook on life.  I didn't want my blog to be negative and I also didn't want it to sit dormant.  I want to talk about how I've been overcoming trials and such.  After six long years, I'm finally understanding and internalizing the great Law of Attraction.  It has really changed my life.  There is a good scriptural basis for this teaching, many of which come straight from the mouth of Jesus Christ.

I went to a dance last Saturday and came home with two phone numbers.  One was from a girl that I was really interested in, and the other was from a woman that I was taking a chance on, but I wasn't really interested in.  I decided to take a chance on her because you don't know where you'll find love.  I think that I should give many people a chance instead of focusing on so few.

By the next day, I had sent texts to both of the numbers, but neither had responded.  I will never understand why a woman would give her phone number to a man if she does not intend to communicate with him.  Just say no.  It hurts WAY less.

Anyway, I hadn't heard from either of them, but I was really interested in getting to know one of them, so I invited her to go with a large group and myself to get shakes on Thursday.  Thus far, she hasn't responded.  For the other woman, I sent her a text to see how she's doing today.  She actually replied!  And now we have some tentative plans to get together on a weekday and go for a hike or something fun like that.  Aren't I glad I took a chance?!

This whole experience has kind of made me depressed.  I've just felt badly about myself  ever since the dance.  This usually happens, but like a moth to a light, I keep going back to the dances.  After feeling this way for days and thinking about it very carefully, I realized that I'm not believing that I will receive what I want, which is a girlfriend and then a wife.  One way I'm showing that I'm not believing is that I'm not acting as though I already have what I want.  Another way I'm showing that I'm not believing is that I'm not actively thanking the Lord for bringing me what I want.  I also have little in the way of a plan to get what I want and I'm not feeling good now.  How can I attract what I want when I'm not doing everything I'm supposed to be doing?

So here's what I'm going to do to counteract this.  I already have a plan and a date by when I want a new girlfriend.  I know that working with a set date isn't easy, but I can do it.  I am going to begin to actively thank Heavenly Father for giving me what I desire most, which is the companionship of a woman who loves me and one whom I love as well.  I am also going to state to Him and to the world that I want a new girlfriend by that set date.  And then, I am going to act as though I already have what I want.  I am going to set aside evenings to spend time with the woman I love, I'm going to cook extra food when I make food, I'm going to remember her when I start to feel down or lonely, and I'm going to visualize myself holding her hand when I'm in the car; at church; or someplace else.   I am going to completely act and feel as though God has granted me the perfect companion and I am going to thank Him every day for it.  When times are tough, I'm going to thank Him as often as I can remember.

I know that I already love this woman, even though I'm unsure of who she is.  I have some ideas of women that I want her to be though!  But I know that God will allow me to meet the right woman for me, and He will allow for me to love her to my heart's content.  I just love her so much already!  It will be hard not to gush over her, much like I have previous girlfriends.  I just feel like I have so much love to express to her.  It feels as though I'm holding back a waterfall within me, and when I am able to show affection to her, it will gush out and keep gushing at full capacity for years.  I love you, whoever you are.  I can't wait to show you how much I love you.

Pizza rolls tonight

I promise that I'm not just going to post recipes.  In fact, I think I'll post something right after this.  But I had to share how awesomely easy and delicious this recipe is!

Here's what you need:

Pizza dough using this recipe.
String cheese
Pepperoni
Other "toppings" (optional)
Hunt's Traditional spaghetti sauce (semi-optional)
Garlic powder (used with the sauce)

This is really easy to make!  After you have made the dough, you can rise it in the microwave on the lowest power setting.  Let it run for three minutes, cool for three minutes, then run for another six minutes, then cool for a few minutes.  Depending on how much you want it to rise, you can repeat those steps as much as you like.

Put some flour down on your clean countertop or cutting board and then roll the dough so it gets pretty thin.  Trust me that you want it decently thin or else you get all dough and zero filling.

Next, take four slices of pepperoni and lay them down in a row so they're overlapping about a quarter slice each.  Then put down a stick of string cheese on top of the pepperoni.  After you have done that, place another four slices of pepperoni on top of the piece of string cheese.

After you have lined up your filling, simply roll the filling so that the dough connects, and then pinch the sides and edges so that everything gets closed up.

One option here is to spray with a little butter and then coat with garlic powder and Parmesan cheese.  I didn't do that on mine, but you may as well go nuts!

Bake at 450F for about 12 minutes or until the dough is golden brown.  Your result will look something like this:

If you take the Hunt's Traditional spaghetti sauce (my favorite spaghetti sauce) and mix in some garlic powder, you have an excellent pizza sauce.  You can serve that at the side for dipping.  I suppose you could also add it to the filling in one way or another, but I think it's fun to have at the side.

I got the idea for this after having Pizza Hut's stuffed pizza rollers.  They were so good that I knew I had to make them myself.  Believe it or not, I didn't make this for a whole year!  I can't believe I waited so long!  Make this for dinner tonight.  You can even get creative and cut the string cheese in half to make smaller rolls, or add sausage or peppers or something.  It's your dish, make it fun!  I'll bet having these stuffed with ham and mild cheddar cheese would be delicious.  It's like making your own Hot Pockets, but tons better.  In fact, I might make a bunch of these and freeze them for those days in grad school where I have to have a quick meal.

Crock-pot Pork Roast

I have another recipe for you!  I didn't post for a day or so, and this is all I have for now.  I actually went to a scholarship luncheon and it took me all day.  I've also been doing homework and stuff.  Whatever.  Anyway, here's a good recipe for you!

Here's what you'll need:
Pork roast (or tenderloin or whatever; I just bought what was on sale a few weeks back)
Pepsi Wild Cherry (yep, I'm a Pepsi man)
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Parsley flakes
Vinegar (kind of optional)
Aluminum foil (also kind of optional)

I decided to throw out measurements a while back.  I have good luck with just throwing things in.  That's the beauty of a Crock-pot!  Anyway, take the pork and put it in the Crock-pot.  Then pour around 4-6 ounces of Pepsi Wild Cherry on top of it.  Get your vinegar and just pour a little shot of it in.  Some might measure it and put in 2-4 ounces in, but I just give it a quick pour.  The more vinegar you put in, the more of a bitter "bite" your meat will have.  Then toss on your garlic powder, onion powder, and parsley flakes.  If there's another seasoning you would like with it, put that on too!  Last, take a sheet of aluminum foil and place it over the meat.  Kind of push it down around the meat.  What this does is it shrinks the cooking area and prevents steam from escaping.  I have a 6-quart Crock-pot with a vent in the lid, so I have to do this every time to prevent my meat from drying out.

When you've done all of the above, cook on high for six hours, or on low for about 8 or so hours.  If you pop this in the Crock-pot at noon, you'll have a delicious roast in time for dinner.  Or you can put it in before work or church or whatever you have in the morning and it will be ready by dinner time.

I like to eat this meat with green beans, roasted potatoes, rolls, and a glass of milk...and the rest of the can of Pepsi.
Enjoy!

Fried chicken for dinner

Well...not "fried," per se, but it's some dang good chicken.  I've entered this cooking phase of my life and I've been doing it for pretty well all of this year so far.  I bought a Crock-pot and I started going to Crockpot365 for recipes.  Not all of them are good for the Crock-pot though.  Anyhow, I just took a look at her recipe and then did my own thing.  Isn't that how it goes?  Here is what I made tonight and how to make it yourself.

Oven-fried Chicken Legs

Preheat oven to 425F

1 pack of skinless chicken legs (I buy them fresh from Smith's and skin them)
3 oz. or so of flour
2 tsp of Creole seasoning
Spray cooking oil

Take the thawed and skinned chicken and dredge it in the flour and seasoning.  To do this, put the flour and the seasoning in a gallon-size bag (or shallow dish, but I think the bag is better).  Give it a shake to mix, and then drop in a drumstick at a time.  Shake the bag a few times to get the chicken coated and then place on a greased cookie sheet.  After you have placed all of the coated chicken on the cookie sheet, take your cooking oil and spray it liberally over the chicken.  Make sure you get the chicken coated in the oil, but also don't spray off the flour.

Bake for about 40 minutes or so and then serve after it has cooled a bit.

It's a simple recipe, but it sure made for a delicious dinner!  I wish I had the recipe for Smith's fried chicken because I think theirs is the best.  It's too expensive to buy on a regular basis though!  Eight bucks for eight pieces?  No thanks!  This recipe can make 18 pieces for less than $6 if you get the chicken on sale.

For those who are reading this (both of you) and are wondering why I didn't include a picture, it's because I had to run before I took the chicken out of the oven.  I sing to the elderly after church and it interfered with dinner tonight.  It interferes with dinner every Sunday, actually, but whatever.  Some of the people we sang to tonight had tears in their eyes because they could really feel the Spirit, which made it quite the rewarding experience!  Fortunately for me, my neighbors were gracious enough to take the chicken out of the oven for me.  So even though it had been sitting out for a little and it had dried some, it was still some great chicken.

A new life outlook

It has been years since posting here, but my life recently changed and I got this urge to write about it.  I kept on thinking about looking up blogs discussing these changes, but I decided instead to change my blog to reflect my new feelings and my new life.

Since posting last, I learned more of the Atonement, had a new relationship for six months (I was certain I was going to marry her...), got admitted to grad school twice, served a short mission, and moved to four new cities, finally winding up in a mountain town where I attend grad school for an MBA.  Life sure is different now than it was all those years ago!  And guess what?  I'm happy!  I feel happy!  Sure, some things get me down (like last night), but I just feel better about life and I feel great about myself.

Several weeks ago, two men from church came over to visit.  I was talking to them about how bad I felt.  I felt so sad about life, dating, church, and just everything going on.  One of them talked about how he asks God to confirm things to him and then reads his scriptures fully believing that He will confirm those things.  I decided to try an experiment.  I did exactly what this man said that he does.  And I really, really believed that I would receive answers.  And guess what?  I did!

This process reminded me of something that was introduced to me years ago in college.  My mentor recommended that I watch the DVD of The Secret.  I've watched that movie so many times over the years (at least once per year) and I never really got it.  But now I understand.  I understand the law of attraction!

I've been listening to the audiobook for The Secret and I've watched the video several times over the last few weeks.  I feel immensely happier.  And I've noticed that I have many of the things that I've been desiring for a long time.  For example, I've wanted friends, and I have friends.

I decided to start putting this law of attraction into practice.  I started with something small.  I wanted to find a quarter, tails side up.   I went on walks around the neighborhood.  I looked in parking lots wherever I went.  I believed every day that I would find that quarter.  I told one of the men that had come by a week or two before, and he said that what I had was "Disney faith," that is, believing that something will happen without me doing anything for it.  He's only partially correct.  he doesn't understand that this is about drawing something to you.  As you think about something, you bring yourself toward it.   Incidentally, it seems like you bring it toward you.

Long story short: I found that quarter, tails side up.  I found it alongside two other quarters.  I got something small.  Now on to larger things.

More negative happenings

Yes, I am aware that this blog is very, very negative.  I always think that I want to write something more positive - and I do - but it seems that I'm only prone to writing when I have something negative to say.

I hate where I live.  Rather, I hate living with my mom and her husband.  I am not used to living in a house with an older male.  Well, not one this old.  I am also used to being treated like an independent adult and not a man-child.  Of course, my mom's husband's son is a complete man-child, so that is the model by which he parents.

Why am I not using the term 'stepfather'?  Well, it's because I have no emotional attachment to him.  Since he and my mom got married, my mom has poured money into his home and his life, works more than him, makes more than him, and caters to his every whim and desire.  I'm not used to seeing my mom as a slave.  I'm used to seeing her as an independent woman who serves out of desire and not by force.

So...there was a blowup at my house tonight.  I tried to apologize and set things right and he just went off on me.  Later, my mom threatened that I wouldn't "have a place to live anymore."  Excuse me?  I won't have a place to live anymore?  My mom didn't kick out my brother who wasn't going to school and didn't have a job.  Her husband won't kick out his drop-out son who smokes in the house, buys and smokes marijuana, doesn't have a license to drive, and doesn't have a job.  But I, who has an education, a good job, and contributes around the house (cleaning, helping with chores, etc.) am threatened to be kicked out for being too negative.

Oh, and the worst part?  Whenever there's a problem in the house with me we all have to have a damn family meeting.  Meanwhile, when the pot head buys weed from a car in front of my house, nobody says a word.  Nobody cares about getting cancer from second-hand smoke.  Nobody cares about the damaging effects of marijuana (halted cognitive development, impaired cognitive function, intoxication lasting 24 hours, a "high" or "contact high" lasting a few hours, degenerating cognitive function...), but everyone cares if I have one bad day.  Just one.

You know what we call that?  It's Critical-Incident Management and it is a horrible way to manage employees or lead a family.  It's when an employee (or in this case, family member) makes one mistake and it becomes the focus of the management for the remainder of that employee's career.  The employee's morale suffers, performance suffers (starting the cycle again), and they eventually get fired or quit, harboring ill feelings toward the company and the management.  I don't need to explain why that all is a bad thing.

So think about this.  I had one bad day and I'm threatened with homelessness.  Meanwhile, Prince Drop-out Potsmoker downstairs is treated...well, like a prince.  Whereas I help move furniture, wash cars, cook (on occasion), and do a number of other things around here and I'm told that I'm not fit to live here.  I guess I don't contribute enough.  My cons outweigh my pros, apparently.

And that appears to be a pattern in my life.  No matter how much good I do, the little bad things that could be ignored (or helped with) I guess are too apparent.  I was under the impression that I was a pretty good person, but I guess not.  I can only really try again, but it's discouraging.  Do I really want to keep trying in the face of such failure?  What I'd really like to do is run away and start life over again.

I don't know if happiness will ever come.  It's so dependent on external factors.  I guess I'll continue to try to internalize happiness, but I don't know what to do.