Sick, final, game, lonely

I've been sick all week and it sucks.  I should be nearly done with my illness, but I want to be done now.  I want to be done five days ago!

I had a final this week and being sick didn't help.  I scored below the class average on the multiple choice section.  One of the women in the class is super smart and she got the high score on the test.  I have to be honest: I am incredibly jealous of her and her husband.  I hate being jealous.  I just feel so inadequate in comparison to some people.  I know I shouldn't compare myself and blah blah blah, but I do.  I would really like to get past that.

I went to the BYU/USU game tonight, even though I'm sick. I really wish that USU had won.  BYU sucks.  I used to attend BYU and it was horrible.  I'm so glad I'm not there anymore.  I love Utah State.  I wish I had come here years ago.  Maybe I would have found the right woman by now.

I've been feeling lonely this week, and it's exacerbated by being ill.  My bishop told me to get into online dating.  I don't like that idea because online dating makes me feel like I'm being a desperate loser.  But at the same time, I don't think it's that bad.  I've done some browsing and it looks like there are some great women online.

I honestly wonder if my poor luck in dating is due to my weight.  Seriously.  I don't think that I can be an accurate judge of my appearance, so I genuinely wonder if I'm too fat.  I do feel especially fat this week (due in part to being sick - a high consumption of sugary beverages (orange juice) and a poor diet).  Last week when I weighed myself I thought I had lost five pounds, but I feel HUGE this week!  I wonder if I lost any weight at all!

I don't like how relationships are always on my mind.  I want to be happy as-is, and a good portion of the time I am.  But this week I feel lonely and unattractive.

I want to work on my self confidence.  I know that God loves me and I think that I'm a good man.  But let's be 100% honest with ourselves here: there's a reason why I haven't been able to find love.  I would like to find and eliminate that reason.   Those reasons.  I think that confidence is an issue and I also think that weight is an issue.