Sorry, but I've been really depressed lately. I'm not sure why. I'm happier when I'm at school, but when the weekend rolls around, I just get feeling so lonely. Church should be a place that I long to go and a place that I enjoy, but I feel so unhappy while I'm there. It just feels like: what am I doing here? It's not a matter of church itself; I like church itself. I think I really just hate the social aspect of it and it depresses me. I honestly need to do something else or go somewhere else so I can feel happy and welcome. I honestly just feel lonely. I'm unhappy. I really wish I had friends. That's all I want: friends. I don't intend for this to be a message to people to pity me or something because that's not what I want. I want to be liked by others and included in their plans.
I honestly don't know how to invite people to do something without it being weird. Sorry, I don't know how to host. So if you're wondering why I'm not frequently inviting people over, that's why. I suppose I could bake a cake this week and see if people want to come over and eat it with me. I'm not really interested in eating the cake. I'm just interested in having people around.
Maybe I just need to change the routine. I might go to church in a better mood if I watch something funny before going. I honestly think I should just move, but moving is over a year out. Moving probably won't solve anything because I feel this way in every ward. So what do I need to do differently?
