It has been since October 23rd since she left me. I loved her so much. My friends tell me that she was abusive toward me, but I had/have a hard time seeing it. I still love her.
I remember what she used to call me. Sometimes it wasn't so nice, like when she called me 'douchebag'. But when she called me 'sir', it was wonderful.
I have to explain that I hate the term 'sir'. I don't like it when people call me sir and I didn't ever want to be called sir by her. However, I came to realize that it was a term of endearment. She would call her brother sir on occasion, but she meant it differently with me. She'd say it when I gave her a gift or when I said something that made her feel special. She'd tuck her chin in, look at me with loving eyes, and say just one word: sir.
It was moments like that which made me want to marry her.
I still miss her. Yeah, she was a little controlling and she wasn't as physical as I wanted her to be, but I loved her! I worried about our intimate future, that I would want to be close and kiss and touch and stuff and that she wouldn't be interested. I hoped that would be something that I could live with.
I just loved her so much. Some of you out there might be thinking that I'm just being a pansy about it, but those who think that must never have experienced actual love. I find that people who think that are just looking for sex and never want a real relationship with real emotions involved.
One of my friends in particular said that I was in a clearly abusive relationship and that I'm better off without her. Maybe so. I'm not sure. I just know that I loved her very much and that I never wanted to spend a day apart from her. I miss you, ANB. I hope to see you again.
